Making Friends with an Enemy

Hawaii 2008

My friend Jeni told me that I had to 'make friends with my cancer' to integrate the experience so I can move on with living. Personally I would never want a friend like invasive breast cancer. But it did arise in my body and until excised by a surgeon, this breast cancer nestled close to my breast plate.

In March 2007, after I got back from a terrific holiday in Thailand I went for my annual check up. My doctor gave me a request for a mammogram. I told her that I didn't need the screening. No one in my family had breast cancer. 'Go on,' she said. 'It's been two years.'

On April 12, I went for the mammogram. I had a little sore spot under my left arm pit which they carefully marked for further attention. I waited in my little paper nightie and the technician said they wanted to take a closer look at something. This Breast Centre is so thorough in how they check you out, I did not have the slightest foreshadowing...I was just worrying that the appointment was taking so long.

They were not interested in the sore spot under my left arm pit. Just glands they said. They wanted to do an ultra sound of the right breast. And, before I knew what was happening, the radiologist was coming to take a tissue sample.

Four women huddled over me in a little treatment room so tenderly. Women have a way of telegraphing information. As they worked to locate and take samples of the 'area' they said things like; it's so deep, it's lying right on the breast plate, and its very hard to get to reach. I could tell that the news might be grim. My family tried to tell me not to be such a catastrophic thinker but the women told me so I could prepare myself.

On April 16 my doctor called me to come in for the results. That is never good when the doctor wants to see you. She said, 'I know you feel like a house just dropped on your head,' but it was my house that was leveled. An appointment with the surgeon was set up for April 17.

That day I had to tell my family. I always thought that if I got something like cancer I would just bravely keep it to myself. But I know why I had this notion. Because, telling my family I had breast cancer was just about the worst experience of my life, without exception. I killed me to make them cry and worry about me. I am supposed to help them, not cause this kind of anguish.

My husband was knocked over. I had to contact my youngest daughter who was holidaying with my sister in Hawaii. They both cried so much that it was awful. I had to tell my oldest daughter. She was devastated. And I realize that for my two daughters it was a double whammy. For their mother and for their potential health concerns in the future. At this point, I only had a diagnosis, no idea of what kind of cancer, how much it had spread and if I was about to die soon.

So, as a finger in the eye of fate, we had fish and chips and the most expensive bottle of champagne I could buy for dinner.

Thailand 2008

The setting for the birth of this blog is paradise. I am on a beach in Krabi in Thailand. This is a busy place with families, sailing boats, long tailed boats and pleasure yachts on the Andaman Sea.

My husband and I are sharing the shade of the tree with a large group of German tourists. They wish we would go away but no one has the courage to tell us. If its privacy they are concerned about, they should have no fear. We don't understand a word that they are saying.

After my experience in 2007 I set some goals for 2008/09. I run my goal years from February to February. Gives me more time to actually do something.

• I want to run a half marathon and I am signed up for one in Red Deer on May 18. My daugher, her husband to be and I are in training. The evenings when it is - 35 C. I do say pass.

• I want to learn to play a musical instrument in a rudimentary fashion. My husband came up with the notion of the autoharp. I have one now so there is no escape. I just need to practice quite a lot before it will sound anything like music.

• Lastly I want to start to write seriously and get published. I was toying with the idea that a letter to the newspaper editor might count when I came up with the idea of a blog.

I contacted my daughter for her advice about setting up a blog and she got it set up in 15 minutes. She wrote the opening remarks initially but I changed what she had written. She wrote on my behalf that I hoped peopled enjoyed the ride about my cancer treatment more than I did. But that is not my view. This blog is a way to try to make sense out of a random act of cancer. So here goes.

Welcome to the Uniboober File

This blog will recount my recent journey through breast cancer treatment. Right now the ending is happy.